Dowry – A bid for a happy marriage or even life

~ Joyce Mary J

Dowry, a menace which is considered as an insurance for a happy married life of a woman. Sometimes, her life can be at stake if her husband or in-laws think that the dowry that they have got is not enough or not upto their status. So, why am I writing on this today?

Case 1

A final year BAMS student died in her in-laws’ house. Her parents claimed that they had given a Toyota Yaris car, 100 sovereigns of gold and more than an acre of land, as ‘gifts’ at the time of her wedding last year. But it was not enough for her husband, an Assistant Motor Vehicle Inspector as he felt that the car was not upto his status. So he used to abuse her both physically and mentally which made her to kill herself.

Case 2

A 24-year-old died after she was set ablaze, by her husband, an year after their marriage and repeated demands and torture for more dowry. He came to his wife’s parents house to take her back. He had a bottle of diesel with him which he said was to control termites. When they reached his house that poor woman was set on fire with the same bottle of diesel.

Case 3

A 25-year-old died last year after she was bitten by a snake in her bedroom which was on the first floor of the house. This was the second time she was bitten by a poisonous snake in two months, inside the house. At the time of their wedding her husband was given a huge amount of money, lots of gold and even a car. But, it wasn’t enough for him. After her family started talking about divorce, he was afraid that he would have to give all the dowry back. So he bought two poisonous snakes and left them on his wife while she was asleep. A well – planned murder, isn’t it?

The above said are three recent cases happened one after another in a state which claims to have a 100% of literacy rate in India. So, what’s happening? Where is this all education going? Where are we going as human beings? Does a woman’s life depends on how much money or financial assets she brings to her husband? Do we still have to keep doing this crime in the name of culture and traditions? Why can’t a girl and her parents say no to the marriage itself when the question of dowry comes in first place?

Only answer to this question is to stop thinking a girl child as a burden and to stop preparing her for a married life from the day she is born. For example, I was cooking one day a few years back when an old lady comes to the house and says very lovingly to my daughter to start learning how to cook. When I asked why, her answer was that she has to make her husband and his family happy. Seriously! She was only two years old at that time.

It is also really significant to give proper education to our daughters and to make them financially independent. We will have to make her brave enough to stand up for herself and to make important decisions about her life. A good education and a job will help her not to rely on others in terms of finance and thus making her self sufficient.

I have always been against dowry and I will be fighting against it till the end of my life. It’s not only because I have a daughter and I would like to give her a better place to live, but also, because it’s the right thing to do.

Please leave your comments on the topic as I would really love to read them.

Published by Joyce Mary J

30 thoughts on “Dowry – A bid for a happy marriage or even life”

    1. No Joanna, as I said I’m still fighting… As a mother, I have to be strong for my daughter. My parents made sure that I get my education and a job. I think that makes a lot of difference in a woman’s life. Thank you for visiting my blog.

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  2. This greed I found more in backward states with lower literacy. I came to know different dowry tags like price tags for IAS, PO, BDO, teacher etc. But wherever it is, dowry is a social and malicious evil, which can be eradicated only by making girls literate, aware and financially independent. A beautifully written article 👌👌

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    1. I beg to differ on that.. because I come from the said 100% literacy rate state and the incident rate is increasing with regards to the dowry issues. Those crimes happened in well to do or atleast middle class families as well. It’s all about the attitude towards girls or women in our society and it needs to be changed. Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. I really appreciate it.😊

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      1. Ok, we may agree to disagree. I have relied on published data in which UP, Bihar, MP etc tops the list in absolute number. In state like Kerala, percentage data may be a bit different. Thank you.

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      2. Of course, the percentage is different. But, as I was saying, these cases are the most recent ones happened in an year or so in one state and that’s alarming. We are talking about human lives here. Thank you for sharing your valuable thoughts here. It is an important topic and I really appreciate every opinion put for the eradication of this social menace.

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  5. This is really disturbing and important. Superbly written. I am fortunate to have parents who brought me up as a daughter and not a burden. I hope the generation to come is not like this.

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    1. Oh I really hope and pray for a change. I’m really happy to know that your parents brought you up and loved the way you deserve and also because you have such great parents. Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. I really appreciate it.

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    1. It is… I don’t think it’s about the race but about certain systems that needs to be changed in a society. It’s good that you allow and encourage to marry someone you love. Good to hear that.

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  9. Dear Joyce,
    This is an outstanding post that should be published for every family to read. I whole heartedly agree and applaud you breaking the mold, setting a standard and stage for your daughter and the future generation for woman to get educated and stand up to these atrocities 💖❣️❣️❣️👏👏

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    1. That’s so kind of you Cindy. I had to write about it as I’m listening to the news everyday about those woman’s fate. They were all young, brilliant and talented girls. One of them was going to be an ayurvedic doctor. It is really concerning.

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