Dowry – A bid for a happy marriage or even life

Dowry, a menace which is considered as an insurance for a happy married life of a woman. Sometimes, her life can be at stake if her husband or in-laws think that the dowry that they have got is not enough or not upto their status. So, why am I writing on this today?

Case 1

A final year BAMS student died in her in-laws’ house. Her parents claimed that they had given a Toyota Yaris car, 100 sovereigns of gold and more than an acre of land, as ‘gifts’ at the time of her wedding last year. But it was not enough for her husband, an Assistant Motor Vehicle Inspector as he felt that the car was not upto his status. So he used to abuse her both physically and mentally which made her to kill herself.

Case 2

A 24-year-old died after she was set ablaze, by her husband, an year after their marriage and repeated demands and torture for more dowry. He came to his wife’s parents house to take her back. He had a bottle of diesel with him which he said was to control termites. When they reached his house that poor woman was set on fire with the same bottle of diesel.

Case 3

A 25-year-old died last year after she was bitten by a snake in her bedroom which was on the first floor of the house. This was the second time she was bitten by a poisonous snake in two months, inside the house. At the time of their wedding her husband was given a huge amount of money, lots of gold and even a car. But, it wasn’t enough for him. After her family started talking about divorce, he was afraid that he would have to give all the dowry back. So he bought two poisonous snakes and left them on his wife while she was asleep. A well – planned murder, isn’t it?

The above said are three recent cases happened one after another in a state which claims to have a 100% of literacy rate in India. So, what’s happening? Where is this all education going? Where are we going as human beings? Does a woman’s life depends on how much money or financial assets she brings to her husband? Do we still have to keep doing this crime in the name of culture and traditions? Why can’t a girl and her parents say no to the marriage itself when the question of dowry comes in first place?

Only answer to this question is to stop thinking a girl child as a burden and to stop preparing her for a married life from the day she is born. For example, I was cooking one day a few years back when an old lady comes to the house and says very lovingly to my daughter to start learning how to cook. When I asked why, her answer was that she has to make her husband and his family happy. Seriously! She was only two years old at that time.

It is also really significant to give proper education to our daughters and to make them financially independent. We will have to make her brave enough to stand up for herself and to make important decisions about her life. A good education and a job will help her not to rely on others in terms of finance and thus making her self sufficient.

I have always been against dowry and I will be fighting against it till the end of my life. It’s not only because I have a daughter and I would like to give her a better place to live, but also, because it’s the right thing to do.

Please leave your comments on the topic as I would really love to read them.

Fit In Or Stand Out

Right now, at this exact moment, somewhere a child is born. His or her parents are so happy and they are dreaming about a life together. In about two to three years, they will start to teach the child about the social norms to fit in. Now, how can you teach a three year old child to do that? The mother gives some colors (non – hazardous) to the child to draw or color a picture. That innocent girl (I’m taking a girl as an example for the convenience and also because I have a daughter) picks the favorite one and starts to colour the tree, sky, house and grass in pink. She is so happy that she runs to show the beautiful picture to her mother. Now, the mother looks at the picture and asks her daughter, “why everything is pink? Look outside.. leaves and grasses are green, sky is blue and you should have given something else for the house”. The girl is upset now, but she goes back and colors exactly like her mom said, to make her happy because she loves her mother a lot. Her first lesson to fit in!

As a human being, we live in a society and it’s really important that we don’t do anything antisocial. To some extent, it is crucial that we accept the rules and regulations, culture and traditions, so that we don’t cause any harm to others. For instance, following the traffic rules to avoid accidents, wearing a mask to prevent the spread of coronavirus or learning music, dance or any art form to create a sense of belonging and to maintain our legacy. In these cases, to fit in is a must.

However, I believe that inorder to fit in we should not forget who we are or what our values and principles are. The rules and regulations of the government could be wrong and the traditions made by our ancestors could be cruel and unkind. As an individual, it is our right and obligation to stand out in those circumstances. I would like to give an example about a tradition we had which I clearly detest. ‘Sati’, a custom which was practiced in India, where a widow would throw herself to her husband’s pyre to burn to death as a proof that she was a good and dutiful wife. It is banned in India now, because of the effort of a person, Raja Ram Mohan Roy, who fought against his own custom and tradition back in 19th century. He stood out of the society’s norm so that women in his society can literally live. There are so many people who fought their whole lives to make things right which was generally accepted in the society. Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi and Galileo Galilei are just a few to name who fought for the values and principles which were against the society’s beliefs and practices.

Another reason to stand out is that, if something makes an individual happy then he or she should follow the heart. A family has three children whose parents are doctors. Their eldest son is an engineer and the daughter has enrolled herself to study MBBS to become a doctor. But, the youngest one is more interested in arts. He likes to paint and draw portraits. Now this boy is in dilemma because no one supports him and everyone is expecting him to be a doctor or an engineer but he wants to be an artist. What should he choose, family’s decision because they think that it will make his future secured and would make him more respectable in the society or his happiness and talent to create and give something new, fresh and beautiful to the society? In my opinion, it should be the latter one because no one knows what will happen in future and also, the same person can become a famous and honoured artist with the potential and hardwork. Moreover, no employer needs a grumpy and bad employee who hates his or her job.

As usual, I would like to add some famous quotes to support my belief on the topic. I hope that you would like them too.

The world accommodates you for fitting in, but only rewards you for standing out.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Why fit in when you were to born to stand out?

Dr. Seuss

If you are always trying to be normal you will never know how amazing you can be.

Maya Angelou

Like shining stars, every one of us has the potential to light up the darkness with our own particular brilliance.”

Unknown

Please leave your comments on the topic as I would really love to read them.