Dowry, a menace which is considered as an insurance for a happy married life of a woman. Sometimes, her life can be at stake if her husband or in-laws think that the dowry that they have got is not enough or not upto their status. So, why am I writing on this today?
Case 1
A final year BAMS student died in her in-laws’ house. Her parents claimed that they had given a Toyota Yaris car, 100 sovereigns of gold and more than an acre of land, as ‘gifts’ at the time of her wedding last year. But it was not enough for her husband, an Assistant Motor Vehicle Inspector as he felt that the car was not upto his status. So he used to abuse her both physically and mentally which made her to kill herself.
Case 2
A 24-year-old died after she was set ablaze, by her husband, an year after their marriage and repeated demands and torture for more dowry. He came to his wife’s parents house to take her back. He had a bottle of diesel with him which he said was to control termites. When they reached his house that poor woman was set on fire with the same bottle of diesel.
Case 3
A 25-year-old died last year after she was bitten by a snake in her bedroom which was on the first floor of the house. This was the second time she was bitten by a poisonous snake in two months, inside the house. At the time of their wedding her husband was given a huge amount of money, lots of gold and even a car. But, it wasn’t enough for him. After her family started talking about divorce, he was afraid that he would have to give all the dowry back. So he bought two poisonous snakes and left them on his wife while she was asleep. A well – planned murder, isn’t it?
The above said are three recent cases happened one after another in a state which claims to have a 100% of literacy rate in India. So, what’s happening? Where is this all education going? Where are we going as human beings? Does a woman’s life depends on how much money or financial assets she brings to her husband? Do we still have to keep doing this crime in the name of culture and traditions?Why can’t a girl and her parents say no to the marriage itself when the question of dowry comes in first place?
Only answer to this question is to stop thinking a girl child as a burden and to stop preparing her for a married life from the day she is born. For example, I was cooking one day a few years back when an old lady comes to the house and says very lovingly to my daughter to start learning how to cook. When I asked why, her answer was that she has to make her husband and his family happy. Seriously! She was only two years old at that time.
It is also really significant to give proper education to our daughters and to make them financially independent. We will have to make her brave enough to stand up for herself and to make important decisions about her life. A good education and a job will help her not to rely on others in terms of finance and thus making her self sufficient.
I have always been against dowry and I will be fighting against it till the end of my life. It’s not only because I have a daughter and I would like to give her a better place to live, but also, because it’s the right thing to do.
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Today, my mood was to draw something. The theme just came to my mind and I hope that you will like it.
Let your light shine
To shine your brightest light is to be who you truly are.
Roy T. Bennett
It’s that heart of gold, and stardust shine that makes you beautiful.
R.M. Broderick
Shine with all you have. When someone tries to blow you out, just take their oxygen and burn brighter.
Katelyn S. Irons
People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
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Is it the black, brown or white, The colors that can truly describe, A man's character and intentions, Or is his job done without any assumptions? Is it the blonde, brunette or red head, The colors that can truly describe, A woman's intelligence and kindness, Or is her good deeds with no judgements? Is it the blue, green or the hazel eyes, The colors that can truly describe, A man's love and passion, Or is it the act itself which has no condition? Is it the color that defines us? Or is it us who define colors? -JMJ
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A girl who loved the light, Sitting all alone in the night, Had been waiting for her knight, As she was too kind to take a fight. When the darkness surrounded her, She found out that the knight only wanted to be a heir, The promise he made was just a cold word, As he wished to fly away like a migrating bird. A girl who loved the light, Started to look for a new site, Where she could be herself without a fright,
So, she travelled a long way to see the light. She kept herself busy in her new place, Helping others and making a living for her own space, It occurred to her that she had to be both humble and bold, That's when she found the light right next to her sword. Her journey didn't stop in finding her spark, She knew there are others who lived in the dark, The girl who loved the light? Tale is that she became the knight of light. -JMJ
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So how's this, this mask? Do I look pretty? Do I look smart? Tell me, what is my role today? Should I just keep my eyes dry or should I also wear a smile? All those bruises can be made unseen, With a make up and no one will ever be keen, To question how fake is the smile, Or am I living a lie?
An abuser lives in all of us, Some find happiness in other's tears, Beating up, mocking up and blocking everything what is dear, Others like to turn a blind eye making me to wish that the death is near, Never reach out but love to give a long sigh, All I want is someone to sit beside, No need to talk, just hold my hands tight, It's another day as I can see the light, I should be ready for the people outside, So tell me, how's this, this mask? Do I look pretty? Do I look smart? -JMJ
Dedicated to the victims ofall kinds of abuse who manage to wear a mask everyday and pretend to be okay.
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My six year old child asked me a question yesterday and it was, “Mama, when I grow up what do you want me to become?” The question was tricky for me. I first told her that whatever she likes, she can and it’s upto her. But she was not ready to leave me until I gave her a proper answer. So, I told her that I want her to become a scientist. She took a minute to think about it and then said, “you know what mama, I want to become a hairdresser because I like to make my dolls prettier” and I said “as you wish, my dear.” The smile and happiness on her face was heavenly.
As a child, I was asked the same question several times by my family members and teachers. Can you imagine how many professions I chose before becoming a nursing professional? I remember when I was a child I wanted to become a police officer. When I grew up a little more and started watching news and current affairs, I wanted to become a lawyer, an advocate for women. Then I wanted to join armed forces which was opposed by my family members. Then I thought I could become a fashion designer as I liked to draw. At last, what I have become is a nurse.
Over the years, I have found that the question “what do you want to become in your life when you grow up?” is more complex than one could imagine. When this question is asked, our mind is shaped in a way from childhood that we should only answer it by giving the name of any profession which the society accepts as a successful one. For example, doctor, engineer, nurse and teacher are the only professions allowed in most of the Indian families till now. But, do you think that all the doctors, engineers, nurses and teachers are successful and happy in their lives? A surgeon who cannot think properly will not be able to do his surgery under stressful situation and can ultimately cause death of a person. A poor engineer may be the reason for the collapse of a building or a bridge. A bad nurse won’t be able to give a compassionate and quality care to the patients and a teacher can destroy the whole generation of students by poor teaching.
I believe that the question, what should we do in our future, should not make us anxious or nervous instead it should make us happy. It should be a passion, a drive and should motivate us to work hard to achieve our goal. I also believe that all we need in our lives are inner peace and happiness and the rest will come along. So, what we need is a change in our mindset that only certain professions can make us successful and stop feeding our anxiousness regarding the career to our future generations.
I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as ‘making a life’.
Maya Angelou
The crowning fortune of a man is to be born to some pursuit which finds him employment and happiness, whether it be to make baskets, or broadswords, or canals, or statues, or songs.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
Confucius
Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.
Katherine Whitehorn
Be true to what naturally interests you – and be brave enough to turn an obsession into a profession.
Shelly Branch
If we all did the things we are capable of doing,we would literally astound ourselves.
Thomas Edison
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I promise you! Is it just one of those regular sentences that we speak or the faith and hope that we give to someone?
First story… I was on my leave a few days ago when my daughter came to ask to play with her. I was busy doing some housework so I asked her to tidy up her room. She agreed to do it but made me to do a pinky promise that I would play with her after that. After tidying up her room, she came to me and asked, “Can we play now?” and I said yes. She was jumping with excitement and joy. I could see in her eyes how happy she was that I kept my promise.
Second story… an old woman of about 83 years was admitted in the hospital. She was promised by the doctors that she could be discharged on the day. The day passed but she wasn’t discharged from the hospital as they had to do few more tests. On the second day, the doctors promised the same but nothing happened. She was sad but she waited for the next day so that she could go back to her nursing home where she loves to live with her friends. The third day’s promise and the same experience made her so angry, anxious and worried that she said why wouldn’t they say me anything if they already knew the rules and protocols before I go to my nursing home. She called her son and started crying. I had to talk to her son and clarify the matter with him but as expected he wasn’t happy. He told me that he was really disappointed on the matter that his mother was promised three days in a row that she was going to be discharged which never happened and it made her so uncomfortable and nervous.
Another one…a friend of mine told a story about a family. A man everyday promises his wife of 15 years that he would stop drinking alcohol. His wife gives him chances after chances but she doesn’t find any changes in him or in his behavior after taking alcohol. Years of physical and mental abuse makes her depressed and everytime he drinks she asks only one thing, “why can’t you keep just one promise so that we can live like a family? Why wouldn’t you take an effort to stop it as you promise me everyday?” She carries on to do her role as a mother to her two children because she loves them a lot but is completely detached from her husband as she has lost all her hope. She is now living a miserable life.
All of the above stories shows the significance of promises that we make and how we keep them. A promise gives hope to people. It makes the people to believe in other person and to have faith in them. No matter the age of the person, from a small child to an elderly person, a broken promise can break the trust on the person who made the promise and also can cause disappointment and sadness. So, before we say “I promise you!” it is really essential to think whether we can make that happen or not. If not, do not make promises because you do not break a promise instead you break a heart.
A promise made is a debt unpaid.
Robert Service
Promises are like the full moon, if they are not kept at once they diminish day by day.
German Proverb
Promises may fit the friends, but non-performance will turn them into enemies.
Benjamin Franklin
Breach of promise is a base surrender of truth.
Mohandas Gandhi
Broken vows are like broken mirrors. They leave those who held to them bleeding and staring at fractured images of themselves.
Richard Paul Evans
I believe in the sacredness of a promise, that a man’s word should be as good as his bond; that character, not wealth or power or position, is of supreme worth.
J.D. Rockefeller
It’s not what a person tells you that matters. It’s how they treat you that reveals their true feelings. Their character is revealed not by the promises they make, but by the promises they keep.
Anonymous
Promise is a big word. It either makes something or it breaks something.
Anonymous
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A Life's Journey 